The laundry list of medications I was prescribed became unmanageable. After a while, I became isolated from friends and family because every basic human interaction now revolved around pain. It became difficult to engage in everyday life when the world was spinning around but my world had come to a complete standstill. For a period of about three years, life was extremely stressful, and I felt very alone.

One night after coming home from an exhausting shift from the hospital, something quite beautiful occurred. I sat down at the dining room table and wrote out a song. The lyrics and melody poured out onto the paper. Here is where the process of healing began. The music started flowing. As a classically trained musician, I had never composed a note in my life. Since then, the music has not stopped flowing. Often, I find myself spending hours composing at the piano as a form of mindful meditation. Writing and storytelling through music have played an integral part in reducing my pain. This musical illumination has taught me so much about the power of the mind and the fascinating complexities of the nervous system. Although the pain signals to my brain may continue to fire, other signals counterbalance my brain’s interpretation of pain. In fact, while I am listening to music, composing music, or dancing around in my living room to music, there are times there is zero pain. This is by far no scientific revelation.

There are hundreds of research articles proving the positive impact that music can have on our health and the healing process. It took about three years to adapt to what I was describe as a “new normal” life. In other words, I still experience pain. I take things day by day. Nevertheless, it’s through songwriting and composing that I have created a new sense purpose for myself. It's that song or melody ping-ponging around in my head that drives me and makes me happy.

In college, I loved to sing French Art Song. I also have always had a love of the French language and French composers. It was during this period of adaption and navigating my pain, I composed four French songs, two of which have string instrument arrangements. These were slated to be recorded in April 2020. However, in March 2020, the global pandemic hit. Sadly, my musical endeavors took another pause. I lost self-confidence since the accident occurred. However, deep down, there is still a sparkle in my spirit. I want her to come out. I want to recapture that confidence. Who knows? Maybe there is a budding 51-year-old fabulous French rock star underneath a soft exterior. Most importantly, the accident, the aftermath, and the struggles that continue have led me to this conclusion: For me, giving up on my music is not an option.